Avatar Equality : Being Queer in a Virtual World

In my pursuit of true freedom and equality, I have discovered a great medium in which to project not only my fabulousness but also spread the message of acceptance and tolerance:

Online avatar communities.

Now, I know, that this is hardly any kind of revelation to those who are already familiar with the internet. It may seem at the time of this posting that your old pal Hero Queero is behind the digital times, but I assure you that I know my way around a browser or two. The thing is, however, whenever I create an avatar and join a virtual community, I rarely run into others who choose to play a queer persona. But then that makes me wonder: Well, what IS a queer persona?

Raised by teevee, it may seem easy to suggest that 'queer' is drag queens and old torch song standards. That 'gay' is synonymous with snappy attire and interior design. And that all women who wear pants are lesbians. Richard Chamberlain recently proclaimed that it's impossible for gay actors to convincingly portray straight characters, even though many of us successfully pretend to be hetero for much of our lives. As much as we want to believe otherwise, our world still hasn't fully accepted homosexuality, which I also consider to be the third sex.

So, do we still want to nurture these outdated concepts and stereotypes? No, of course not. But some people can make it difficult to change that perception, especially if those people run television and movie studios. Even after Ellen came out and Neil Patrick Harris announced the arrival of his twins, we, as a world still resist the truth: that queer is not actually 'queer'. That is to say, that being free to love whoever who want is not strange; it is completely normal. And wonderfully human.

But how does a society evolve to a place of acceptance?

It must be given the freedom to do so. And to do THAT, those who are not currently accepted must become commonplace. They must become the "norm". And for that to occur, there must be a PRESENCE of those that wish for equality in such great numbers that they become impossible to ignore. It happened in the "Black Movement" and in the "Women's Liberation Movement" and it can happen in the "Gay Movement". I use quotes just to remind everyone that all these movements are really the same. They are all a facet of the bigger "Equality Movement". If we all truly desire equality, then all who strive for acceptance must be PRESENT.

Which brings me back to the original thought: Online avatar communities.

I signed onto gaiaonline.com, registered my info, and designed my digital avatar. As you can see, I spared no virtual expense and whipped up an avi that would make Ru Paul's and Elton John's love child jealous. As for my username, why ruin a good thing? I typed in 'Hero Queero' and I was off wandering in the online rooms, RPG, and communities. After several days of interaction, I began to notice that they're weren't many other obvious members of the GLBT community. I did locate a queer forum for folks to find each other, but in the virtual setting there still seems to be an adherence to what was male and what was female. Girl avatars dress as girls and boy avatars appear to be butch and manly. And none of this would normally bother Yours Truly, but then it happened:

I walked by a group of folks who began to tell another avi that their outfit was "gay". The group, like so many other ignorant folks in the real world, laughed and jeered, clearly enjoying the ridicule aimed at the "gay" avatar. I then realized that without an obvious queer presence, the stereotypes and out-dated concepts would continue to exist, even in a virtual reality where you could be anything you want. Except gay.

With my obvious username and bold presentation I have yet to encounter those who would aim their insults at me, but that was the hope. By being obvious and proud I strip bullies of their power to bully me. Being comfortable with who you are also creates an atmosphere that encourages others to be open as well. And the more of us there are, the more comfortable the atmosphere becomes. That is why I hope to encourage others to log into virtual social networking communities and create obvious queer personas. When we are everywhere it will become commonplace and then the terms 'queer' and 'normal' can be redefined as simply, 'human'.

Until next post, my loves. And maybe you might just find me gallivanting around the world at gaiaonline.com.

What Are They So Afraid Of?

In the aftermath of the many suicides and deaths of gay youths recently, I find myself remembering my grade school and high school experiences. They were, sadly, not very fun for me. Like many confused gay youth I just wanted to be accepted. The very thought that I was somehow different and would be an outsider was just unacceptable. I did my best to fit in but no matter what I did or how hard I tried I was never accepted by the "normal" crowd. It seemed that everyone knew that I was gay. That is, everyone but MYSELF knew. And they went out of their way to let me know how awful and different I was: The name calling in the hallways ("Hey, faggot!"), the notes in my locker, and the physical bullying (pushing me to the ground or shoving me into the wall) became part of my daily routine. They really seemed determined to beat me down; not just physically but emotionally.

And it almost worked.

I remember thinking about ending my life. Thinking that no existence was preferable to the one I was living. Hating myself for finding other boys attractive. Believing that the only reward that waited for me after this life was an eternity of Hell. But no matter how bad I felt, I just couldn't bring myself to end it all. I set my sights on a life outside of my tiny town; a life in which I could explore who I was and finally, be unafraid. For the better part of my high school existence I hid at home, waiting for graduation and the opportunity to escape my tormentors. When the day finally came, I left for greener and more liberal pastures, without so much as a goodbye to my so-called 'classmates'.

Now, as a happy homosexual, I realize that living through it all has made me infinitely stronger and has given me an insight to the psyche of the bully. It is this hard won knowledge that has allowed me stand up to the bullies in my life and given me the strength to be stronger than their fear.

But it also begs the question: What are they so afraid of?

I understand that heterosexual men are conditioned from birth to be 'manly' in our society; to not express their emotions or show weakness, because these are feminine traits and are undesirable in any real "man". But why does it matter to them if others are comfortable with their femininity? How in the world does this affect them? And why is this fear so powerful that it drives them to emotionally and physically harm another human being?

Perhaps it's the pack mentality of straight guys. Like social animals, they may feel the need to eliminate 'weakness' from their society. And any man that exhibits feminine traits must be an aberration; a weak link in the masculine chain, if you will. Do they fear that femininity is like a virus, with the ability to spread and infect the rest of society? If so, then the bullies have convinced themselves that they are the cure and that it is their task to clean up society from the 'gay menace'. Or perhaps they see a part of themselves in gay people and figure that by eliminating them that they can eliminate that part of themselves as well.

Unfortunately, this macho mentality has ruled our society since its inception. And what, may I ask, has it brought us? A world of materialism. A world that shuns and even punishes emotional expression. A world that still considers the feminine principal to be a sign of weakness. Even today, young boys are told to not act, cry, or perform athletics "like a girl". Even now, youth are taught that anything out of the norm is "gay", thus reinforcing the idea that gay is abnormal.

If you are a happy, gay, bisexual, or transgendered adult then remember that you have the power to show young and confused individuals that it's possible to live a happy and fulfilling life. You have the opportunity to tell your story and show them that they are not alone. And most of all, you have the power to redefine "normal" for these lost youth and to show them that there is NOTHING to be afraid of by being yourself.